


Wet Noodle

by AwkwaBen



Category: Off
Genre: Crack, I wasn't serious, and then I was
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-10
Updated: 2013-06-10
Packaged: 2017-12-14 12:28:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/836875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwkwaBen/pseuds/AwkwaBen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything is the same except that The Batter is only armed with a pool noodle and silly string.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wet Noodle

His purpose. His reason for being. The Task he was given seeped into his mind, imposed itself on him and made itself comfortable almost like a blanket would being carefully laid out over a cat that didn't quite like the idea or the feeling.

But it was his purpose, and like it or not, it was, in a way, Him. The Batter stood on the edge of Zone Zero, weapon in hand and water calming his new senses. He stood, looking at the structure before him and the water around him. Looked at the grinning cat as it approached him.

And it was later, after the cat (The Judge, he supposed) had explained to him about the ways of the world he had newly found himself in and how he could carry out his mission; how he could carry his new body, that he was able to actually start his mission.

It was in the mines of Zone One, Add-On ring by his side that he encountered his first deadly apparition. The Batter readied himself, weapon tight in one hand and can in the other. It was the silly string he attacked with first, spraying it into the eyes of the accursed thing. It giggled at the attempt, swiped at his Add-On ring. 

“Go ahead,” The Batter muttered, “you won't be laughing long.”

He swung the pool noodle he found himself in existence with next, listening to the soft fwap of useless impact.

Oh.

The pool noodle, as it turned out, did absolutely nothing. The Batter stared on at the white thing before him in the soft light of the candles and his Add-On, watching that wide mouth stretch open, grinning the kind of grin that made The Batter wish he had brought up his incompetent weapon to The Judge when he had the chance. 

The Batter swung his noodle uselessly again at the damned thing as it came closer, mouth large and laughing at the misfortune that was The Batter. He swung until the thing swallowed him whole and until the world stopped again.


End file.
